30-Days of Strangers Challenge
I love Sydney. It is a beautiful, busy and bustling city of many people from different backgrounds. But I sometimes feel like it lacks a sense of community here; it is utterly clique-y and difficult to meet new people. Perhaps it's because of our capitalist system which influences our sense of individuality, coupled with a 'us versus them' mentality that is often portrayed in mainstream media (especially of Australian politics). Maybe it's just particular to my case, as I grew up in the era of "stranger danger" and was told by my loving parents that I should not talk to anyone I don't know. Actually, it wasn't only my parents who was giving me the message, my primary school teachers also told me to never listen to or follow a stranger. I guess this was because there was a heightened fear in the community that children were vulnerable and could be taken advantage of. Of course, it was something we were taught to ensure our own safety as children. However, having such a message instilled into us as we grow into adult beings inevitably results in some disconnect within our society.
The propaganda most of us Australian kids was exposed to growing up. (Image taken from Radley's Primary School).
My time living away from Sydney allowed me to discover the joy of chatting to a complete stranger: as you would have it, it is simply the first step towards friendship. I found myself engaging with complete strangers (albeit there was a common "exchange student" bond). I was exposed to new ways of doing things, new ways of thinking and, importantly, new ways of eating. My Slovenian housemate, for example, showed me how an active lifestyle was fun, which made me feel incredibly happy, mentally and physically. Also, I developed an appreciation of smelly cheeses thanks to my French exchange friend who invited me over to share the care packages of different cheeses her mum sent her (because according to her, Canadian cheese was not the same as French ones). Needless to say, these interactions chased away my initial feelings of loneliness in such a new and foreign environment.
In a quest to revitalise my sense of community when I returned to what I felt as a somewhat clique-y Sydney, I committed to what I called 30 Days of Strangers Challenge in October 2014. Essentially what this little social experiment involved was going up to a stranger everyday, be it on public transport, in a park or at university, and trying to engage in a conversation with them. There were a handful strangers who looked at me funny, giving me the raised eyebrow, probably thinking, "What does this girl want from me?" Generally, these were commuters going home from a hard day in the office (so it goes). But for the most part, strangers happily responded. I would typically start off with, "Hello, how are you today?". A friendly salutation followed by an open-ended question gave space for conversation. Of course, the standard responses of "good", "not bad", "can't complain" required me to continue asking questions until conversation flowed. But I found that generally, people would return the question, which led onto other questions.
My scribbles during the 30 Day Challenge
There is something so intuitive about chatting to a complete stranger. There is open space and unlimited ground to cover. Our inherent human curiosity meant the stranger and I were utterly inquisitive about each other's day/life. Most conversations started at the surface, with the conversation bearing around what we do, where we came from and what was planned for the day. But surface talk easily shifted towards more meaningful and deeper conversations (aka the good stuff). Some of the most memorable strangers I spoke to during the Challenge included an American middle-aged man who was totally digging Sydney's train system (what?), was travelling to the Manley Jazz Fest, and handsomely sported a fedora; an elderly Chinese couple who was taking their granddaughter out to the shops for the day; and a near-retirement Filipino lady who was on her way back from work, who ended up sharing her life story - from her kids, to her jobs, to her elderly mother back home in the Philippines who she calls everyday for at least ten minutes to talk.
The dire consequences of not taking the first step. (Image taken from Honest Hipping Harpings).
I am grateful these kind strangers decided to share their stories with me, and also allowed me to share my stories with them. There was no follow up, so each conversation is what it was. As a result of this Challenge, I am now more comfortable reaching out to strangers and trying to get an insight into their life. It made me realise I am no more special than anyone else who walks this planet. I have the felt-knowledge that we are all just trying to be our best with the lives we have, and when our paths cross with other strangers, it is a blessing in itself. In a beautiful sort of way, these strangers allowed me to foster a sense of connection in my day-to-day life that month vis-a-vis your own self-discovery and self-placement. Strangers allow you to be you, because they have no preconception of who you are. By virtue of this beautiful dynamic, you are completely free to be you, free of expectations. It is utterly liberating and allows you to forge a truer sense of self. I am who I am today because of the strangers I've met along the way, some of which who I now dearly call my friends.